ALL OF US TOGETHER

How Families Can Include Children in the Mourning Process

Produced by the Early Childhood Education Department of the
Board of Jewish Education of Greater New York
An agency of UJA Federation

There is a distinctly Jewish way of addressing every major event in life, including death and mourning. Often families, intentionally or unintentionally, exclude young children from the mourning process. Parents may simply not know what to tell their children and how to include them in the rituals.

"All of Us Together" describes how Jewish families face the death of a loved one. With developmentally appropriate methods, it shows how to involve children during times of mourning, and how to help them ask questions and express their feelings. The video reminds us that all Jews are part of a community constructed to be helpful to one another during times of crisis.

Children tolerate difficult circumstances best when they are prepared for them. We wish that there was a gradual way to introduce children to the concept of death perhaps first through the death of a classroom pet, a distant relative or through a story. But this is not always possible. Because we cannot predict the death of a loved one, we suggest using this video well in advance of a personal loss. Of course, a child's age, temperament and prior experience will influence his/her reactions when a death in the family occurs.

The video is intended as a guide to be used by adults to initiate discussions, training and direct work with grieving families. However, parents may chose to watch it with their older children. Schools, synagogues, community centers, libraries, mental health, bereavement agencies and funeral chapels are all appropriate places to view "All of Us Together."

A video can't take the place of a good listener and sympathetic concern. But after a discussion with someone in mourning, a professional might say, "There is a video made for families facing some of the issues you raised. Would you be interested in taking it home?" Or, "others have found this useful, perhaps it might help you too."